I have been getting a lot of email lately with questions about feeling unloved or unlovable. Several people actually asked if I believed there were people that were unlovable. (The answer to that question at the end of this post)
I don’t think there is anything worse than feeling unloved. When I think of feeling unloved I think of feeling alone, hopeless and pretty miserable. I remember what that used to be like and am so glad feeling unloved is no longer part of my life.
I spent most of my younger years severally depressed. My last suicide attempt (25+ years ago) landed me in intensive care. I died five times. When I got out of the hospital and looked at my chest full of needle marks from where they injected chemicals to restart my heart I knew it was time for some serious changes.
The biggest disease this day and age is that of people feeling unloved.
– Princess Diana
So how do you go from unloved to loved?
In a recent blog post 3 Little Things That can Transform Your Life I suggested three actions you can take that literally saved my life.
It took me quite a while to realize that feeling loved is strictly an inside job. For years I thought if I found the right lover or had more friends or more money or the list went on and on then I would be happy and feel loved. Actually feeling loved is a decision only we can make for ourselves.
I fought that idea valiantly. I was sure love was something that came from out there. I fought the good fight and lost so you can give it up. LOVE IS AN INSIDE JOB, PERIOD, END OF STORY.
Once you decide to love yourself a river of love opens up and suddenly (granted it takes time) you realize you are surrounded by love and swim in a sea of unconditional love.
We are all born with the seed of love securely anchored within our spirit. We are love. We may forget, act in a deplorable fashion, hurt ourselves and others but the universe is composed of pure, unconditional love, the energy of creation. Once we release our limiting beliefs and realign with who and what we really are the love reemerges.
Seven simple steps if you want to feel loved
Be gentle with yourself as you learn to love yourself. It took years to learn to NOT love yourself so letting the love in takes time.
- Decide learning to love yourself is worth the effort and it will take effort if you don’t currently love yourself.
- This may sound silly but DECIDE to love yourself. Decide to do whatever it takes to feel loved.
- Embrace the 3 Little Things and do them daily
- Know you are loved, you are lovable and you swim in a sea of love.
- Practice, practice, practice. When you feel unloved remind yourself, “I love myself.”
- Be kind, loving, compassionate and nurturing to yourself. Become your own best friend.
- Choose love above all else. Share your love with others and learn to forgive yourself and others.
I’d love to see your thoughts about how you learned to love yourself, struggles you may be having or read any questions you might have.
With love,
Susan
PS. The answer to the question: Are there people that are unlovable? To that I answer a resounding NO, absolutely NOT. People can take actions that are unlovable even feel unlovable but that is because they haven’t learned how to love themselves yet. It is a skill anyone can learn.
PPS. If you would like you can sign up for a short chat over either Skype or by phone. The call is free and I love helping people go from feeling unloved to knowing they are loved, they are lovable and that the world is a loving and supportive place.
I spent a few years deep in self abuse. I didn’t realize I was creating my own feelings. I felt worthless and of no good to anyone. My actions followed and I acted in a way that was hard for others love. Then I felt even worse so I decided to end it. I had the plan and the means all set and ready to go. That day I got a phone call from my mother. She was devastated and informed me my brother had died in an accident. Through all of the next few months of grieving, I started getting some new thoughts. First, I didn’t follow thru with my plan as life took a crazy unexpected change. I saw the heartbreak my parents and sisters and I experienced. I couldn’t knowingly cause more pain and went on a search to find a different way. I was given the book The Four Agreements and that was the spark I needed. A few weeks later I get a call and Don Miguel Ruiz was in town speaking. I went and since that day, I have been busy healing myself. Many call it hard work but I had no choice if I wanted to get happy. I dug deep and haven’t stopped digging. Gratitude work is a big dose of joy we can all tap into if we change the beliefs that made us unhappy to start with. I have followed a number of teachers learning about life’s many pieces to living a meaningful and loving life. In my search I was lead to find the pieces that were best for me, followed my heart, really listened to people …
Life is glorious and today I am going to live in that. I am still working on undoing myself of the thoughts that bind. Funny thing now is that people are asking me to help them find health and happiness just like I’ve done – I know right ! Life offers miracles all the time so love yourselves and others and let it happen.
Thanks for sharing that Todd. I am always amazed at how life works. Out of what some might call a tragedy you found a new life of love.
If your life isn’t full of magic and miracles you aren’t doing something wrong and God or the universe isn’t punishing you. You have just got a bit lost and as soon as you reconnect with your spirit and the loving being you really are magic will happen. Just choose love and releases all judgments – see what happens.
Love, love, love is always the answer,
Susan
Hello Susan,
I have constantly lashed out at all of my family, who I dearly love and they have finally pushed me away, which makes me feel worthless.
Why?
I often tell my students when they ask me why, “Y is a crooked letter.” A much more useful question is: “What can I do to change this” The first step is to learn to love yourself unconditionally. That love will help you release any anger, judgments or sadness that causes you to lash out.
It sounds corny but mo matter what the question love is ALWAYS the answer.
With love, a big smile and aloha, Susan
I’ve tried, I have been alone since birth; mother and father socialites but left me in my cupboard for years.
I have a very long story as we all do but I lived in hope and and I wouldn’t let the earlier neglect make me believed I was worthless – I know in my heart I am a normal member of society – but today, 46 years on hope is gone and ever present lonely 24 hours of each day is my burden.
I’ve tried for years, im a State Gymnast, dancer, gym frequent – but in all of these activities I’ve never made a friend, never been invited to the bbq’s or dinner parties I hear them discuss after a weekend.
I lived through my 20 and mid 30’s with carefree hope (to a degree) with alot of underlying knowledge. I can’t pretend anymore, I can’t find hope in the unmistakable emptiness.
I have no family, not one friend and I’d like to go now please.
I’ve wanted to leave for over 4 years now and if there was a magic pill I would go happily.
The pain is unbearable and grips me daily but I battle through most days. Euthanize me please.
There’s not been one person attached to me that has given to me either with love, time, compassion, fun, laughter. Anyone and everyone who calls me will always be in need of something from me eg money, support etc.
I can try and see this in a good sense of belonging and think ‘i must be valuable if they feel they can come to me’ But that is pure rubbish, those needy people have agendas and use an unlovable sole.
Im tired. Ive had the worse 5 weeks of my life and I search for some strength within to battle recovery but I need support, I need true friendship, I need something – but the sad truth is that there is NOTHING and NO ONE to hold me, support me or lift a tiny bit of the weight so I can at least carry myself through the painful days.
We swim in a sea of love and once we open our mind and our heart to that love magic and miracles happen. Love yourself first and watch what happens. Stop listen to your mind and your pain will totally dissolve.
It was a hard pill to swallow but once I realized my thoughts created my suffering and I became willing to change those thoughts my life became a journey toward love.
The most powerful thing you can do is look in the mirror and practice saying I love myself and allowing yourself to feel it their will be no more suffering.
With love and aloha, Susan
Im 20 years of age now and have never dated, had a first kiss, have a rocky nonexistent relationship with my parents, disfunction in my family and all over the place I have allowed myself to be used and allowed myself to be made a fool out of and it’s so bad that when people do tell me they love me or do something nice I always tell myself it is not going to last or they just say that because they dont have to deal with me all this time the only person that I felt loved me unconditionally and completely is my grandmother and sometimes I find myself questioning myself why does she love me so much, what’s so special about me, even though people may say Im handsome or I have a lot going for myself it does not fill the void inside and people that do show me a little attention or affection I find myself clinging to them and not wanting to let go I am in a very unhealthy place in my life and help understanding why I dislike myself so much I know I need to think positively and take it one day at a time but I need a nonjudgmental person who will guide me
Be that non-judgmental guide for yourself or find a loving mentor or coach. Liking or disliking ourselves is a learned thought pattern and you can change it. It takes time and practice and it works. I know because I’ve done it for myself and helped thousands of people do it as well.
You deserve to love yourself and see yourself as the amazing being you are.
With love, Susan
I think its just time to say goodbye. We’ll see if I end up in heaven or hell.
Sorry you feel that way – but loving ourselves has nothing to do with them out there. When we haven’t learned to love ourselves we do make poor choices and often surround ourselves with people that are far from loving or compassionate.
You are loved, you are lovable and you swim in a sea of love – practice loving yourself and see what happens.
I am sorry you feel this way Julie. I really am. But I understand because I feel exactly the same way. Every waking day is becoming unbearable. Going to sleep at night is the only freedom which I welcome. It’s easy for people to say ‘start thinking positively’ etc. I think most of us have tried this – especially myself for the last 7 years. I know I can’t stick it any more. The tears are evn hard to hold in when I am at work. I just want to cry all of the time and I don’t even want to tell people how I am feeling. But your feelings are more or less similar to what I am feeling too. Sometimes feelings become so unbearable that it’s more or less impossible to come back from them. What have I got to live for any way because I have no living parents, I have never had any children or been married. I am in my thirties and all my life, I have just been used by men and my Dad was never around when he was alive, until he died from alcoholism in his thirties. My Mum died from Leukaemia in her forties. I feel like I have nobody and a man I tried to love and help had just treated me so badly and got me into a world of debt that is going to take another 4 years to get out of. I have physical and mental scars, as well as debt. I wanted to be a nurse so badly, but he stopped me from doing this and I can’t now because I am in debt because of him. All I ever wanted was to be loved and treated well, but after years of let downs and endless heartbreak from death and break-ups, I just can’t try to be happy anymore. I have been to counselling. I have read self-help books. I have done everything I possibly can, but I always end up back right where I started. I am unlovable. Life is always going to be like this and I don’t want it. I just don’t have the courage to end it. But I can’t go on either. Being unlovable is the most heartbreaking and unimaginable pain ever.
Stacey there really is a way out of the dark places created by our mind. The only thing that is real is love all the rest is an illusion created by our habitual thinking. I know I found my way out and now live an amazing life. I hope you and Julie will give yourself that gift as well.
Might want to check out this new blog post http://www.susangregg.com/ready-go-to-stop-feeling-unloved/
Sending you LOTS of love, Suasn
I totally feel what you and Julie both are feeling. I came from a family of six kids, me being the next to youngest. But as a child, i never recall ANY sort of affection from either one of my parents. I had no friends( still don’t, or any TRUE friends).I mean the ones who invite you to spend time with them. I was bullied in school and at home. Even by my own mother. Imagine being called a “little bitch” at the age of 9 by your own mother, while being psysically abused as well? I was not a happy nor am i a happy adult. Sure, people can say ” You need to love yourself first”, but seriously how can you learn to love yourself when you have doubt your own parents loved you? I am now almost 40 years old and have never experienced what being in TRUE love is. I have let men treat me badly because honestly, i have no self-worth. I am currently single but crave a long-lasting TRUE commited relationship. It’s so hard to find though.
Christie,
I was abused, called names by my parents and bullied a lot but that is all in the past. I have a choice moment by moment – to feel loved or not.
I got tired of arguing for my limitations and my misery. I made loving myself my primary focus for six months. It was amazing how fast my life turned around. Before the end of that period I was living where I wanted to live, felt inner peace and woke up with a smile on my face.
There are lots of tools on this website to help you do the same thing or if you want you can keep finding other people that feel the same way as you do, allies in misery and never move on. So many people make that choice.
There is only love or a call for love. You swim in a sea of love maybe it is time to let it in.
With love, sending you love, really loving life and myself,
Susan
You are not alone. I hope you are still with us. I suffer too.
I am sorry you still suffer. Suffering is really optional and an option I no longer chose to have in my life. Once we learn to really love ourselves suffering just falls away. I hope and pray you will take the time to love yourself and see what a difference that can and will make in your life.
Sending you lots of love, Susan
I feel like i will never find love, i am always being turned down. I feel heartbroken. I have had bad experience in my love life & to make it worst I don’t feel like i got any friends, that is why i find it hard to trust anyone about how broken i truly feel in the inside… I don’t know what to do anymore. All i want to do is cry…
You have to love yourself first then your world will reflect that love. Once you truly love yourself you entire life will change.
You are love, you are loved and you are lovable. You swim in a sea of love. Just take the time to love yourself and stop listening to the unkind thoughts of your mind.
Sending you a BIG hug, Susan
How are you now, Julie? We’re in the same boat. People call me just because they are in need of something. But i’ve never really experienced being loved and felt special. Sometimes, I just want to lock myself in a room. For me it’s better than being “friends” with superficial ones.
How about instead you change all that and learn to love yourself unconditionally and then the people around you will treat you with love and respect as well. When anyone decides to have a passionate love affair with themselves it is amazing how quickly their life changes. When we don’t love and honor ourselves we attract people who don’t love or honor us either.
With love, Susan
Dear Julie-
I came along this website, searching for answers to my own feelings of loneliness and self loathing. Your post stood out to me and I want you to know that I have been thinking of you. I do hope you are doing okay.
What if you love yourself just fine? What if the people you love best, teens, husband, sister pull away? After awhile it stars to erode your self confidence. You start to feel shunned when you reach out for someone’s hand and they scoot away. You feel outcast even if you tell yourself they are depressed, misanthropic and miserable. You still require connection to your tribe. It is a fundamental need. Being repulsed over and over again is painful.
Actually the world is an accurate reflection of your beliefs. If you really love yourself the world and the people around you reflect that. The gift is when our world reflects lack of love we can redouble our efforts to experience our perfection.
As you learn to really love and accept yourself your tribe reflects that – your tribe changes as you do. And as we love ourselves we often leave people behind that don’t love and accept themselves.
Maybe it is time for a new tribe!
With love and aloha, Susan
I have a mentally ill mother, who has continuously hurts me…emotionally, psychologically: when she could no longer physically abuse me.. My father dead from heroin. My older brother drug addiction. For 30 yrs.
My grandmother dead, she was the only one who showed me love and cared for me.
I’m grateful for her. She is gone and have no one. My family only uses me for money, favors and convience.
So, i set boundaries so these unhealthy relationship do not cause me harm as they had in the past for decades.
Now, I am alone, a couple good friends. An ex boyfriend who never supported me in anyway. So he is not in my life.
I miss human touch, unconstitutional love. Someone to hold me, help me, be there for me.
I do love myself and take very good care of myself and my Son.
So why do I feel so alone, so unloved by the one I love.
Deborah, old yourself in the warm embrace of love, unconditional love for yourself. Love yourself first, know you ARE perfect jsut the way you are and let your love for yourself transform your life. It really really works! Let love light the fire of passion n your heart and your mind.
Sending you lots of love,
Susan
Disabled finding it had to find meaning and no purpose in life…no family no friends
Love yourself a LOT. Without you the universe would be incomplete. That makes you pretty special. At the end of this post there are links to post that will help you feel loved.
Sending lots of love, Susan
I was 2 years of age and my father had left my sister and I. My mother remarried a man who was abusive to my sister and I. I lost my viginity to rape at the age of 14 to which my mother ignored and swept under the rug. So I decided to marry the first man who I thought showed me affection through abuse. My mother has always been extremely close to my sister and had informed me that her and I never bonded. I’m much older now 46 and I have always felt unloved but keep going day in and day out for my 2 daughters whom I love with all that I am.
I have a hard working husband but I feel even he would rather be somewhere else than with me. I struggle day in and day out. I have no friends no family who I can talk to. I try to figure out if it’s me, something I’m doing or did.
I just needed to write this down.
I am sorry for what ‘was’ in your life. You really can change your thinking, learn to love yourself unconditionally and no longer be a victim to the past. I did and you can too.
Sneding you lots of love,
Susan
I truly love myself it was a long spiritual journey and I have had so many ppl in my life come and go and at the end all there life problems are my fault over the years I began to feel like the old hanging tree I truly feel that long lasting human connection and others love is not in my path I have expected what seems to be my role in life and enjoy it all the same the best I can
I believe we create our own path and rolls then we get to fill it with love or fear – when I decided I was fine if I never found ‘the one’ the one showed up in my life and that was 22 years ago.
This is so true for me now, thought several tines I had broken the cycle feeling unloveable and unlikable. It’s been a slog so deeply internalized thisbbelief has been with me forever, despite telling others about unconditional love and we are all that….still I fall into the trap of unloving myself giving myself a hard time, low self-esteem, depression and hiding who I am and all my soul has to offer. So back on the Love machine of self…thanks fir reminder….so gifted and so restricted by a belief that has foundation in someoneelses misery. God Bless
Thanks Margaret,
I am so glad you shared about getting back on the love machine. What a wonderful image, an odd looking contraption just pumping out waves and bubbles of love, a love machine.
Nurturing love and share it with the people around you. Spread seeds of love … like beautiful autumns leaves.
With love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Thank you Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
much for being there *************************************************************
BIG hug from belgium
Thanks Nikki and your very welcome,
With a big smile and a huge hug from Hawaii,
Susan
I’ve tried, so many times for so many years. I live alone, a virtual shut-in, after half a century of failed relationships. I don’t blame others. It just took me awhile to realize that it was my fault and not theirs. Most are good people that tried. It’s tough being lonely but I know that one more failed relationship and that would be it for me. The worst is in realizing that I am not George Bailey and real life has no Hollywood ending. You just realize with time that you *are* unlovable, that you won’t really be missed. It sucks.
We can learn to change our thinking. I used to feel unlovable and had a number of “interesting” relationships. I learned to love myself and now I have lots of people around me who love me as well. The world mirrors our beliefs. Greg give love a chance. Love yourself first and then see what happens.
Sending you LOTS of good wishes and love, Susan
Thanks. The Holidays are especially tough. I just no longer have the strength.
I still find my self unlovable, its my mistake not others.
I’m selfish sometimes , my brain makes situations bigger and worst than actually is .
I feel people are bad and I should hide.I need some serious intervention but its not feasible for me in the meantime,
I’m in a daily struggle
Hana it takes practice and the willingness to change but you can change your inner dialog and realize just how awesome you are. You might want to subscribe to my daily quotes. They are free and will help you begin to change your thinking. We live in a world we define by our thoughts. It can be loving and filled with magic and miracles or a world filled with fear and unhappiness. Learn to choose love.
With love and aloha, Susan
Hello there. Thank you Susan for having this blog available. I am feeling unloved and dumb. I went back to school and found out I did not have what it takes to pass Math and Political Science. These classes are the only classes standing in my way of my AA degree. I am however, able to figure out that these classes do not define who I AM. I am learning to let go now.
I am so glad you aren’t letting those classes define you. And if you really want your degree with a few good tutors I bet you can pass those classes! I had a really hard time with Calculus so I went to summer school and took Geometry and Trigonometry. I later became a tutor for Calculus.
Angelica may your life be filled with love, laughter, joy and success or every kind.
With love, Susan
Hi Susan,
I am a 36 year old attractive woman who has friends worldwide that love me and want me living near them again, has had her fair share of dates and even some of those dates have become relationships. I disagree with you about the existence of people who are intrinsically unloveable. And I’m speaking of romantic love. Most all the men who got to know me as well as the boyfriends I had, are still friends or wanted to remain friends and care for me…but after dating me, were not interested in loving me this way and so they broke it off with me. I now expect that this will happen with any man I date. They enjoy my company, think I’m amazing, tell me how much they care for me but not in that way and they simply don’t feel long term chemistry with me. This happened a week ago with a man I was enjoying getting to know and whom I thought we were compatible. The saddest part is I wasn’t even sad about him breaking it up. I new it was a matter if time. So you see, I’m a great example if someone who is romantically unloveable. I have family and a ton of friend who love me and are constantly looking to spend time with me so it’s not that I’m a social misfit or bitter acting or negative because otherwise I wouldn’t have anyone wanting to spend time with me. I’m simply romantically unloveable.
Hello Jade,
Thanks for posting. I believe everyone is lovable. I believe the only thing that is real is love and that we are all totally lovable. If we believe we are unlovable that is what we experience even though it is untrue.
You believe you are romantically unlovable so that is what you will experience. A belief is just a thought we have told ourselves over and over again until we believe it. Change your belief and the results you get in your life will change. You will attract different men once you change your belief. Until you change your belief you will attract men who aren’t willing to commit.
With love, Susan
Hi Susan,
I’ve spent much of my childhood and early adulthood trapped in the vicious world of depression and self-hate. All along I’ve loved helping and serving other people and I constantly pour out love for anyone I meet. However, over the years, I’ve developed this belief in my own heart that no one could ever care for me the way I care for others, that no one could ever love me. I became bitter at myself, telling myself I was worthless and just a misfit in this world. After reading your post here, I have been inspired to change. I hate the way I feel, and I know this mindset does me no good. It’s going to be a struggle to completely change my thinking, but I think I’m finally willing to give it a try. Thank you for the wonderful message, you’re truly a blessing.
I know how you feel, I always offered a hand to people in need to “friends” but sooner then later they turned out to betray me, they’d use me for something then run away. I’ve accepted that I’m just not loveable, some people really aren’t loveable and I’m one of them. I’ve tried so hard to feel better to make myself happy again, but it never worked out, it’s like liking a boy, but knowing that they’ll never like you back, and you know exactly why its because of yourself its because of how you are. I can’t live with it anymore, if I had the Strength and courage to end it, I would because I know my life is a never ending cycle or loss, and betrayals.
You can change. You can start getting very different results in your life if you are willing to let go of some old limiting beliefs. You are only unlovable if you want to believe that. By all means be willing to change that belief and allow happiness and joy to become the default settings in your life.
Only the love is real everything else is an illusion created by our mind. I am currently writing a book Happiness the Skill and it will be free when it is released in October. Give yourself the gift of reading it. You deserve to be happy you really do. I went from depressed and suicidal to be happy and having an amazing life. If I can do it so can you!
With love and aloha,
Susan
I needed desperately to read this tonight. Childhood abuse and our moving 17 times when I was a child set me up, I think, to feel alone, invisible, and unloved. I need to believe that the answer is not “out there,” but that I can learn to love myself. I am no longer young. I have believed all my life that I am nothing. Maybe it’s not too late for me. Thank you.
It is never too late to love ourselves. Life sure is magical once we do!
Sending you lots of love, Susan
It is never too late. Just remember you are loved, you are love and you are lovable and you swim in a sea of love.
Sending you lots of love,
Susan
I wish I could believe you. But if you are going to say how loved I am, then show me this secret mystery admirer who is so madly in love with me. Otherwise your claim–while well meaning–is ultimately false.
There is a secret to this being loved …. first you must love yourself, you must be that mystery admirer for yourself and then suddenly you are surrounded by people that love you. The world acts much like a mirror. As long as you are searching for love out there and not filling your heart up with love for yourself your beloved won’t appear. As soon as you love yourself every time you look in the mirror you see your beloved.
Kameron, love yourself, truly love yourself and see what happens. The only thing that is real is the love. When we feel unloved we are simply listening to our mind that probably believes love is something to find rather than a way of life.
You are loved, Susan
With all due respect, you are wrong when you say that I am loved, or at the very least, you are completely unable to prove that. I, on the other hand, can prove that I am unwanted and unloved (as much as I hate to say it, I would never deny it). If I were truly loved/lovable, then I would never hear “no you’re not good enough for me” let alone multiple times. It is near impossible for someone to believed that they’re loved when all they hear is “no, you’re not good enough”, “no, you don’t deserve to be loved”, “no, you’re not good enough to be wanted and desired”, etc. It’s easier for you to be able to throw out those canned New Age Mickey Mouse cliches because you’re most likely married or involved in a romantic relationship or always had someone validating you. Loving oneself is not going to magically make the whole world love you.
Sorry you choose to prove you are unloved – if you were actually willing to love yourself your entire experience of life would change. I know that from experience. I grew up feeling totally unlovable, abused and feeling totally alone. I actually tried suicide several times because I was so invested in my old, limiting beliefs.
Once you take the time to learn to love yourself the secret admirer no longer matters and ironically they do magically show up. I have seen that time and time again with my students. Until you learn to love yourself unconditionally love will never appear externally. Out there is just a reflection of what is going on internally.
As long as you argue for your limitations they will be yours ….
Kameron, the only thing that is real is love – everything else IS an illusion. Let the love in and let it grow. You will be amazed.
To add on to my previous comment, loving oneself DOES NOT and WILL NOT make that mystery secret admirer magically appear out of thin air. I know; I’ve tried it before time and time again.
Thanks Anna
When someone says we aren’t good enough what they are REALLY saying is I am not good enough.WHen we point a finger of judgment at someone there are three more pointing back at us.
I hereby wave my fairy godmother wand over everyone’s head and pronounce you all LOVED
Waving the wand now,
Susan
Mostly every day I hate living.The only reason I haven’t offed myself is because I have two kids that need me. It sucks feeling as if the only thing that you are destined for is failure, but after being told that several times how can one not feel this way.
You can change the way you feel. Your destiny is to experience happiness, joy and know you are perfect. I used to feel like a failure and then I learned how to get ‘unstuck’ please keep reading my blog I am going to be talking a lot more about getting unstuck and really learning to love yourself.
Melissa allow for the possibility that you really can feel joyously happy. Happiness is just a thought away learn to think that thought.
Sending you lots of love,
Susan
I am very grateful for all I have but I do feel unloved – I want to change this feeling- I am unfamiliar with this …
I believe feeling loved is our birthright and it is something we can learn or unlearn. I think we have to practice feeling unloved so we can stop practicing and embrace feeling loved instead. Life sure is more magical and fun when we live it from a place of knowing we are love, we are loved and we are lovable.
Sending you LOTS of love, Susan
Hi…. I read this… but I have no idea what it means to dig deep.. or even where to start ..
Please help.
Is there somewhere that I can read more – but in small understandable bits to that I can start taking steps again to love myself.
I however can’t figure that I spent my life helping others and arranging special things for others, but never has anyone done that for me… And suddenly over the past months, I just do not want to love others anymore either. Its really not good in my heart.
There are many places on my website about loving yourself. The most powerful way I know of to really love ourselves is by looking in the mirror, connecting with ourselves and saying I love you. Practice until you really feel the love. You can also use the search feature on my website and search for love or loving yourself. I have lots of exercises scattered around my web site.
With love, Susan
My ex molested my daughter, and he was never punished. I fear he is still doing this to other little girls. He now wants a relationship with my daughter, and I have so much anger and the inability to forgive. Now, I find it so hard to trust and feel so helpless.
No is a complete sentence. I would say no to the relationship with your daughter. Then focus on loving yourself unconditionally. Anger is like holding onto a hot rock it only hurts the person holding the rock. So love yourself so much that you can put down the rock.
With love and aloha, Susan
Hi Susan,
I applaud your ability to pull yourself up by your boot straps. I dont know where I went wrong. Im fairly accomplished-used the GI bill to get a Physics degree, i have a pilots license, written some music, blah blah, and my whole life is marked by failed relationships. There is an endless list of friends who wont speak to me – some Ive helped or at least nevrr harmed. I dont even try to make friends anymore. When my mother died last year, I just came to realize that no one is ever going to care again. Ive heard the “life is a mirror” theory, and can even believe it. Just cant make it work.
Everyone deserves to be happy and live the life of their dreams. I don’t think you went wrong I think you just continued to listen to your mind. Time to polish your mirror so you can see yourself as the amazing person you are.
You might want to check out the 4 week class I have starting in May. It will change your life and fill it with miracles and love. http://susangregg.com/spiritual-awakening
With love, Susan
You deserve to be surrounded by loving people. Years ago I learned that on any given day there would be people that loved me, people that judged me and people that just didn’t care. I made the choice to start hanging out with the people who loved me. It took practice and time because I was so used to trying to get the people who judged me to love me.
Life is and then we tell ourselves a story.That story creates our experience in life. If you had truly moved on and forgiven your parents you wouldn’t feel it was their fault. Judgment and moving on are mutually exclusive. You can begin to make the choice to surround yourself with people who adored you.
It is true you can’t make people love you but you can choose to be around people that love you. Rather than blaming others perhaps begin making more choices about who you allow into your life.
With love and aloha, Susan
Hi Susan,
Thank you very much for your great words.
I agree with what you say , The greatest love of all is to love yourself and this opens doors to be loved by others.
I practice self love on a daily basis, and I can feel that poeple that enter my life reflects that.
I also show love and kindness to others.
Its an awesome feeling to love yourself and to be loved.
But I still did not have close friendships with poeple.
About 2years ago I moved to a different country, I made friends with the foreigners.
I still practi ed my self love activities,.
But I notice that I was no longer invited by the group to social events, finally I got the msg they said they dont like me and think I am strange.
This broke me, but I was stron.
I felt that it was some sort of Karmic act.
I know live in a diffrent city, but I dont have any friends, when I look back at my life I realize that I havent had any friends for a very very long time.
Yes poeple liked me but never wanted to hang out.
I am so paranoid after I got told in my previous town that the foreigners dont like me.
That I think everybody in all the cities dont like me.
I still affirm I am loved,I love myself.
But im not feeling it.
My heart is broken and I feel unloved, how can I heal the past to feel more loved and to form close relationships.
I feel I need to heal something for the selflove to fully blossom , as I have underlying issues.
I want to fill my cup with love but I need to throw away the old water in the cup first.
Thanks Susan,you are blessing all with your work.
Anne let the gift that is you shine brightly and people will flock to you. The past is gone and can only affect today if we retell the story. Tell a story of love and watch your life change.
With love, Susan
I completely and utterly disagree with you.
Learning how to love yourself will not make other people love you. That is nonsense. Learning how to love yourself will make YOUR life better, there’s no arguments here, but that’s not a cure for loneliness. Even if you have all the confidence and love for yourself in the world, that does not mean you will meet people that are right for you so easily. Furthermore, your system feeds into itself. You always have the opportunity to tell someone that they haven’t learned enough or they haven’t tried hard enough and that’s why they continue to fail, and that is so utterly terrible for that person’s confidence. Like, do you even realize the kind of damage you can do to people writing this kind of thing? Would you ever claim that you could help someone with a mental illness recover? What about people that have their lack of confidence coming from things they can’t change, like a disability?
Teaching someone to love themselves is an excellent way to help them find personal happiness, but that will not make them feel loved. And there are people in this world that have been betrayed by “loved” ones so many times that they can’t even open themselves up to other people any more, and you cannot blame those people, nor can you ask them to suspend their previous experiences so easily.
Kris,
You are certainly welcome to disagree BUT how can you NOT feel loved when you love yourself??? That is impossible! The act of loving yourself means you ARE loved if by no one else you are loved by yourself. Loving ourselves can’t make other people love us but when we truly love ourselves we can also choose to surround ourselves with people that also love themselves. our world becomes a place of love rather than one of loneliness and suffering.
When I didn’t love myself I often invited people into my life that seemingly betrayed me when I actually I betrayed myself by first not loving myself enough to only invite people into my life who were loving and supportive.
No matter what the question or the problem love IS the answer.
With love, Susan
I’m going to throw in a twist, something I can’t seem to recover from, maybe you can help me. I feel like I’ve gone through my whole life loving and being loved. But one day I wake up and realize it’s all a lie! I was never loved and in fact I’ve been an absolute fool my whole life for believing that I was… And the more I reflect, the more I see how I’ve missed all the signs and it just makes me feel more and more foolish. I cannot respect the fool that I am, I cannot love the fool that I am… The irony of it is, all along I thought I did love myself but in reality I now don’t even know what that would remotely look like because what I know is not true! So not only do I feel unworthy of love, I wouldn’t even know where to begin even if I did.
Confusing… Depressing… Hopeless…
Aloha John,
You swim in a sea of love so of course you are loved. I’d thank your mind for sharing that weird and distorted vision of life and remember you are loved, you are lovable and you are love. Our mind lies and is full of limiting beliefs. Your spirit knows the truth – ONLY THE LOVE IS REAL.
ONLY THE LOVE IS REAL!!!! The lie is that you are NOT loved so let it go.
With love and aloha, Susan
Hi Susan,
I can’t help feeling very low from time to time almost as if I am unloved and unappreciated. I am split in two as the logical side of me looks at everyone around me who cares so much and knows that they show it but then the emotional side always comes out on top causing me to slide back to these feelings.
As I type this I am somewhat overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness and a sense that my love-o-meter is showing empty.
My story is very long but in a nutshell I feel like I need more loving but am worried I am asking for too much….My wife does love me and so do my kids but it’s not the way I wanted it to be in and I know it’s selfish to demand it in such a fashion….
I do not know how to approach the topic and feel like I should come last in my needs and wants with them. Reading your article made me realise somewhat that the love missing is from myself but I’ve been brought up to always make room for others and that no one has room for me….
any advice would be a big help….
The first thing is stop listening to your mind. We really do swim in a sea of love yet our mind will tell us we aren’t loved. Focus on having a passionate love affair with yourself and watch you life change drastically.
Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Once you do it is IMPOSSIBLE to feel unloved. The more you love yourself the more love you attract. And I am speaking of pure, unconditional love and acceptance not the egocentric love that is really just fear is disguise.
With love and joy, Susan
Don’t you ever get tired of the sea of love line? You just gloss over peoples genuine feelings of despair. Implying that they do not love themselves. If they didn’t they would not ask for help. You disrespect us when you contradict what we feel about ourselves, just to give cliches and unhelpful dismissive advice.
I am in no way discounting people’s feelings. Sorry if it comes off that way. I used to be VERY depressed and suicidal and I learned a new way of thinking and being in the world. Once I REALLY learned to love myself when I started feeling unloved or depressed or suicidal I learned I could change my thoughts and in the process the way I felt.
A friend/mentor of mine once told me the story of his mother. Back in the 1920/30’s his mom suffered from depression and occasionally ‘go crazy.’ They would send her to the mental hospital (a place of horror back then). She would come home be alright for a while, go back and the pattern continued until one time she couldn’t regain any sense of sanity and died in the mental hospital.
He said he felt sanity or insanity was like walking down a road. There was an invisible barrier that moved. He watched his mother go down that road many times until she passed through the barrier and couldn’t come back. He suggested my negative feelings of despair was much the same thing. He told me it was a road I just couldn’t keeping going down and remain unscathed. That true story has served me well.
So my vision of living in a sea of love isn’t dismissive. Feeling that despair is road best not traveled regularly. My main focus or mission so to speak is to teach people how to love themselves and change their thinking.
During one of my suicide attempts I died 5 times, flat line, chemicals pumped into my chest the whole enchilada. When I was ‘dead’ I realized I couldn’t run away. I was left with eternity and all my negative emotions. I decided at that point to do anything I could to change the way I thought and in the process the way I felt.
Today I wake up happy and excited about the day – a far cry from how I felt before I learned to love myself enough to change the way I thought.
So no I don’t get tired of living in a sea of love, the dark side got very old. I thoroughly enjoy showing people how to live and love and enjoy a life beyond their wildest dreams.
If you don’t love yourself that is a lie you have learned to tell yourself. Of course we don’t see it as a lie until we realize we have a choice.
With love, Susan
I have a slight contention with articles like this, and I think it is just because of my experiences.
I have grown up with the prevalent message of “fix thyself” from very well meaning parents who, I think, spent too long looking outside of themselves and therefore wanted to pass on this wisdom. But to be honest, it’s quite frustrating. It is not that I do not want to “fix myself” (by loving myself etc blah blah whatever), it is more that it can sometimes feel a bit like being shut down.
“Oh, are you making yourself feel bad again, anon? Why do you keep doing that to yourself. It’s all in your head, you know, why can’t you just change?”
I recognise this is not what you were saying in the article but whenever I look for ideas on improving the way I feel I actually get quite triggered by the “love thyself” narrative. It feels like someone once again saying – “Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why don’t you just change?” I guess it makes me feel ashamed to tell anyone about it. I feel like they’re just going to point out to me that I’m doing it all wrong. That I “should” just love myself – everyone else can, why can’t I?
Again, I know this was not the intent of the article but I suppose I wondered if others ever feel the same way. I guess because the “love yourself” thing has such cultural currency right now, if I do try and open up to someone and get “you need to love yourself more”, I do feel a bit like someone’s saying “you’re doing it wrong”.
I don’t think I do look for love outside of myself. I think there has been once that I received it from outside of myself and that was a mindf**k that destroyed me once it was gone. But I’m a bit of a loner really and do not really go seeking for anything. I actually feel that if I did try to seek anything from anyone else, someone would just remind me that I didn’t “love myself” enough and that I should “love myself” more (“what’s wrong with you? Why can’t you be better than this?”)
So yeah…this is not a criticism of the article itself, just a perspective. I wonder if others are filled with shame when they read that they should love themselves?
I can’t believe I have more to add…but I guess in a condensed form, I find myself trapped in some ways. I do not look for love outside of myself because I feel so very ashamed of that concept (and I do not expect to find it – not because I deem myself unloveable – lots of people love me – but more because the specific kind of love I want I believe does not exist). But I find it difficult to find within myself too, and then I am ashamed it is not there.
TL;DR: It is very difficult to simply learn to love yourself if you are plagued by shame. Not everyone looks for love outside of themselves: some of us are too ashamed. To be honest, I think if I were loved romantically I would feel so deeply ashamed of it that I would leave.
Again…not a criticism…very valuable advice for most people. But I do wonder if others feel like me.
As I said in my email to you – thank you so much for sharing this. It allowed me to see ‘loving yourself’ in a whole new way. After meditating about it I feel like I have a whole new avenue to explore withe the people I work with. It was funny my intent lately has been – what’s next? How can I help people in a more expansive and profound way and your comment gave me that answer!
I know loving yourself and opening up to that sea of love we swim in is a corner stone to living the life we were always meant to have. I am so excited about going to the next level in helping people FEEL loves.
With a great deal of gratitude,
Susan
As I said in my email to you – thank you so much for sharing this. It allowed me to see ‘loving yourself’ in a whole new way. After meditating about it I feel like I have a whole new avenue to explore withe the people I work with. It was funny my intent lately has been – what’s next? How can I help people in a more expansive and profound way and your comment gave me that answer!
I know loving yourself and opening up to that sea of love we swim in is a corner stone to living the life we were always meant to have. I am so excited about going to the next level in helping people FEEL loves.
With a great deal of gratitude,
Susan
I am 35 and feel that i have been put through the washing machine by people who i realized, dont care about me at all. All this time wasted on people who dont care. How can i trust people again when they have done this to me? why should i even try anymore? It feels like a betrayal, an illusion that other people in my past would ‘be my friend or my partner forever’….but i often look around and see the women with loyal husbands, loyal life long friends….they are not alone at all..i get really down and depressed when i see this and see how my life has turned out so far. Why do people keep criticizing me when im a nice person? someone told me these were bad people so no wonder they dont care and are not in my life anymore..but how do i meet nice loyal people? i have prayed i have tried my best….so much dissapointment and MISERY in my life. Most of the time im MISERABLE, unhappy and lementing about why i have been treated in such a cruel way by others? i tried to love myself, my last break up the man took advantage of me and lied and pretended to love me in order to use me…..well thats how i feel about his behaviour anyway towards me….its very sad, and very unfair….why me? is it karma? what did i do wrong? why cant i be happy like other women are, why cant i get a nice, kind loyal man who wants to marry me? why?….whats wrong with me? there are plenty of people with heaps more flaws, problems then me that still manage to be in loving relationships and that have life long friends, and SUPPORT. I am so alone and unsupported, and i ask you why? why is someone so nice as me, and so kind so alone and unsupported, it doesnt seem right does it…..i want this to change, what am i doing wrong, where do i need to be to change my life to have the people i crave and the loving man in it? i have some supportive family, but i know i need my own family or at least a husband……cant live this way anymore, something needs to change!
The only thing you need to change is your thinking. The irony about love is that until you really love yourself you can’t find love out there. You haven’t done anything wrong you just learned societies way to think. Once you trust yourself no one can betray you. I hope you take the time to learn a new way of thinking. Our birthright REALLY is happiness, joy, love, abundance and ease once we wake up to who and what we really are. There are lots of videos on my blog that will help you begin that change.
You are love.
Only the love is real.
You are lovable and you are loved.
You swim in a sea of love.
There is story about two fish. One day a shark swam by and said, “Isn’t the water wonderful?” One fish turned to the other and said, “What is water?” They swam from ocean to ocean looking for water. When they were very old and ready to die Grandfather Turtle swam by and one of the fishes asked, “Oh wise one what is water?” And the Turtle replied you are swimming in it.
We really do swim in a sea of love.
With love, Susan
IAm 16 and I feel so unloved my dad is very strict and doesn’t have time with me ,he only cares about my education and he’s always deciding for me ,I try talking to him but when I do he either beat me or shout at me ,my mother does not care because they really don’t get along with my dad tho they are still together ,I just feel so Un loved the feeling becomes worse when I see girls my age having fun with their families ,I’m not allowed to get out of the house , hes just too strict and I’m sick of it I feel like nobody loves me nobody ,the feeling is hurting I might be sounding silly but truly I feel so alone ..how should I get over this feeling
The most important person that needs to love you is YOU. I too was miserable and judged as a child. It took me many years to realize that if I loved myself what “they” did didn’t matter. You aren’t alone, you are one with everyone and everything. Your spirit – the essence of who and what you really are is pure love. Decide you are going to love yourself and do things everyday that are loving. Loving yourself allows other’s comments and actions to role off your back. It is sad your father is such an unhappy person he needs to control you. It will get better if you decide to love yourself no matter what. There is a lot of information on my site about how to do just that.
Sending you lots of love, Susan
Loving yourself is nothing if you still have no on in your life that loves you too. I have never had anyone love me, my mother told me often how much she hated me, my father told me how I ruined his life and then I married a man that I thought loved me to find out he never did. Yes he told me he never loved me and it was a mistake to get married.
I try every day to do something good for someone else, to help other people as much as I can. I don’t do it looking for love or something back in return and I don’t ever get anything back from it. I have a good job where I am respected but in my private life there is no one to love me and never has been. I was unlovable as a child and I am now as an adult. Me loving me will not change that. I am content with my life now, I have come to terms with not ever being loved. I don’t know if it is something I do, some chemical reaction or what but yes I do believe some people are unlovable, as I am one of them.
When you truly love yourself you open the door so people that can and will love you can enter your life. I too was told I was unlovable as a child. I felt so unloved I tried to kill myself. Not omse cry for help attempt but a serious they had to restart my heart 3 times attempt. When I came out of the hospital a mentor told me, “Love yourself, babe.” He always called me babe. So every day, twice a day I stood in front of the mirror, looking directly into my eyes, “I love you.” The first time I cried but I kept doing it and after a while I did love myself. I let go of the old I was unlovable story and my entire life changed. I now have a loving partner in life and am surrounded by people that love and respect me.
Penny start by loving yourself and letting go of the old hurtful stories. I do work with people and can guarantee if you work with me for six months and take the actions I suggest you will begin to see the world through the eyes of love.
I realized that the only thing in this world that is REAL is the love, everything else is an illusion. You deserve to feel loved and you can if you are willing.
Loving all of life, Susan
I wish Susan you were right
But you are wrong there are people who are out there that are unlovable. I am not loved by anyone, not my husband who left me because I’m a bad person, not my children who know what I am. My parents and siblings. There is no feeling worse than being alone lonely and unlovable. Maybe I don’t deserve the love but nonetheless it hurts deeply to feel this way. It is no ones fault but my own.
I am right although right and wrong, the concept of domination only creates a limited view of life.
We see what we believe – you believe you are unlovable so your life reflects that belief but that belief is a lie you have been taught to believe. The only thing that is real is love. Not the emotional fear based love (I’ll love you if you do_____________ and if you don’t I’ll stop loving you) We swim in a sea of love, we are love, we are lovable and we are loved. That’s h ow it really is. Loving for love out there when we believ we aren’t lovable is an exercise in futility.
If you begin to have a passionate love affair with yourself you’ll be amazed how rapidly your life changes. You only see what you believe – change your beliefs and your life reflects the new beliefs. Stop arguing for your limited and limiting belief you are unlovable and see what happens.
I am right about the fact that EVERYONE is lovable.
With a hope that you will change your belief, Susan
I see so many people in these comments who i’d like to do nothing less than give a big warm hug and smile to. All you lonely people, i care for you so much. I really feel a connection to many of you just from reading your stories of feeling unloved, unwanted and ignored (etc). Some of us seem to experience this feeling of isolation quite profoundly and protractedly, but i rarely hear people admit it in real life. Maybe us lonely folk, especially the long term ones, are not so outgoing and seem to, paradoxically, find comfort in our loneliness; maybe a kind of passiveness of even helplessness? Well, we aren’t helpless. We are all together in this, whether you like it or not, whether you feel it or not. I am here, in the UK, sat awake at night feeling lonely, just like so many other people do. The difference is that i know i’m not really alone. Of course, physically, we are all alone in our own minds, but we are alone together!
I surely hope that we’ll cross paths one day. I have so much love that i want to smear over your very soul. Take care.
Ryan I love the reminder that ‘we are alone together’ We can never be truly alone except when we bury ourselves in our mind. We are all one. I remember when I focused on finding love out there. It was extremely painful. But once I let that go I found love within and then all around me.
I second the motion of smearing love over everyone’s soul.
With love oozing out everywhere,
Susan
Hey Susan,
I feel much better after reading your website. Occasionally I feel hopeless but eventually find something in life. There are sad stories told to you but be strong and remember that your efforts changed my night from looking up hopelessness on the internet to feeling balanced and contemplating how to improve my situation tomorrow. Carl Sagan said we are a way for the universe to know its’ self. It is important to know the positive of one’s self. long story short thank you and I am sure you save people.
Thank you Ian. How refreshing to have someone come here and leave uplifted.
Helping people love, really love themselves is what I am all about. Carl Sagan also said we are all star stuff and I aim to help people shine brightly in their lives.
With a BIG smile, Susan
My father and I are really not that close.he barely comes to see me or calls me like he used to. I am 33 years old and my dad is verbally abusive to me at times, he’s mean & nasty to me sometimes. My half sister on my dad side, we share the same dad but not the same mom, me and my sister have a good relationship with each other, I call her every week. As for my dad, I don’t know if he loves me or not, he claims that he love me. I know he knocked up my mom and made me but I think I was a mistake.
There are no mistakes, you certainly aren’t one. Just focus on seeing all of life through the eyes of love – it is a very different world than the one your mind sees.
The short answer is love yourself enough so that other people’s opinions don’t matter. The answer really is always LOVE. Love of self first and foremost. If you don’t love yourself you have nothing to share.
Sending you lots of self love, Susan
I would love to think it was so simple to love yourself but it is never that simple or easy.
Love is always battling hate and when you have to deal with years of being bullied as I have , friends don’t exsist only people you know , you can fight for people to give them a reason to like you or even talk to you , but at the end of the day when all you see is loneliness , broken heart and many other reasons to hate , love doesn’t exist.
I have just told you my life story I have always felt like this that no one will love me for me , no one wants to love me as a friend or lover .
For an 11 year old boy to want to die and attempt it as well , and all you get is your mother asking why your being stupid fills you with more hate than ever the one person who brought you into this world who should always be there for you but thinks your stupid for putting a belt round your neck cause you can’t take the bullying anymore , I have never felt so hated in all my life .
Last year at age 33 from wanting to go out into town do a bit of shopping at the top of the stairs to wanting to die again by the time you get to the bottom and then go out for painkillers and vodka and sit in a chair after writing a suicide letter to people you know don’t care about you before cutting your wrist wanting nothing more than to just die , that is the point when you feel truly hated cause all of a sudden these people turn out in groups to see how you are seeming concerned and then just walk away again like nothing happened.
How can loving yourself beat all this hatred no matter how long it takes how can you love yourself when you truly feel no love whatsoever
I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was 7. I spent most of my life depressed and suicidal. My drugs of choice were vodak, demerol, cocaine and anything else that was around. My last attmt I died five times and realized the truth that we create our emotions and there was no running away from them. I had read enough to know that love always began with me deciding to feel loved, to love myself. I took the first step nearly 27 years ago.
Within 6 months of the decision to love myself and really loving myself for no other reason than to love myself my entire world changed. My depression lifted never to return and I wake up happy and filled with love. I stopped arguing for my limiting beliefs and I also stopped looking out there for love. Once I loved myself I saw love everywhere.
Today no matter where I go I find loving people and the ones that want to argue for their right to feel unloved I embrace and show them the light of love. What they do with it is up to them.
You are love, only the love is real, you are loved and you swim in a sea of love. It is up to you to decide to immerse yourself in that love or not. You will never find love until you decide the lies that love battles hate or anything for that matter.
Chose love and chose to set yourself free. I know I came here to love and my abusive childhood was the perfect way to find out what love wasn’t so I could chose to find love for myself, withing myself. Not knowing love was a catalyst to start me on the journey to know that only the love is real the rest is just a cry for love.
Loving loving myself and the world,
Susan
Good news!
I have finally given up on love, women, relationships, and marriage.
Various factors went into this decision, but I have made the decision finally thrown in the towel.
How sad Kameron.
My motto is only the love is real everything else is an illusion. Our pain is created by our disconnection from the essence of who and what we really are. Many many years ago I decided to give up on love and I am so glad I changed my mind. Instead I took the time to heal the pain from the past and connect with my spirit. Since then my life has become amazing, filled with love and allowed me to help others connect with love in a profound way. Life has a way of convincing us not to give up or we get to deal with it in the next go round.
Sending you LOTS of love, Susan
I have felt unloved and just plain unlovable. I wish I had a young female friend. I hardly get a hi or hello and I’m lucky if I do. Besides I feel like I have not much value on this earth except for others to ask favors of all because of autism. My dad has made fun of me getting upset and has made fun of my mannerisms. I have shut myself in my room. Sometimes mother has come in to see what’s wrong. If I just had one response or a kind female. I’m still young and I wish I had a young friend to hang out with and have fun. I just want to have fun. Instead I end up bored and alone.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself and once you do acquire that skill your world will reflect that love.
Hello Susan – I’m a 37 year old guy and have never been on a date, held hands with anyone or kissed anyone. I have never asked any woman out – doing so would be pointless because I firmly believe no woman could ever be attracted to me and there is no evidence to support a contrary claim. No woman had ever given me the slightest indication of interest; in fact pretty much everyone ignores me. I have no living family and no real friends, so I have nobody to talk to. I refuse to pay for intimacy even though it is the only way I could ever experience this vital human need.
If you begin by really loving yourself unconditionally and changing your limiting beliefs love is waiting for you. If you never asked anyone out how do you know that would say no?
I’m seriously hating myself right now. Nothing seems to make me smile or laugh right now. I feel hated by at least several people closest to me. It seems hardly anyone loves me that much. What’s more I feel the forces of evil are stronger than the forces of good in my life. I have resented others’ happiness. I can’t even laugh. What have I got to laugh about? I’d say nothing. Do I even belong here on earth? hmm let’s see laughs! I’m a sick joke just put here just to be others’ clown. I might have to go to a therapist soon. I’m serious. That’s how screwed up I am.
I’m so sorry you feel that way – the only thing that is real is love – everything else is simply false beliefs we have embraced. Evil is just live spelled backwards – turn around and allow the love to fill your heart and your mind.
With love, Susan
Hi Susan, I found your website as I searched ‘deep feeling of being unlovable’ after having this exact intense feeling(and thoughts) in the midnight. I believe that due to all my neurotic drives and actions and way of coping with life, I’ve reached a point where it’s too painful to face the reality that it’s too late to start improving now.Too server inhibitions in all aspects of life. I know that’s a limiting belief and given that I’m 30, theoretically there’s still hope. But when thinking about all my lacking, all the sins(figuratively), all the things I could’ve done but didn’t because of my neurotic way of dealing with living, it’s very hard to believe that I will be liked (let alone loved) by any person. I’ve always feel lonely and unlovable since an early age, and the lack of self-love easily turns into self-hate and self-alienation.
Sorry you have to see another comment of despair and frustration. I intellectually know that ‘love’ is the answer, probably the most important answer, but emotionally I can’t relate to it now. “Love” is just a conceptual word, abstract, like any other virtue. And intellectually I know ‘if you can’t love yourself, how can you love somebody else’, and that ‘without giving love, you cannot receive love’, but when the vision of being totally unlovable and doomed to be rejected anyway is so overwhelming, it’s so easy for me just to ignore the mirror altogether and never look at it, literally.
Start with baby steps – a simple, unwavering decision that I will earn to love myself goes a long way. Change the station in your mind from kF**K to Klove. You can do it and you are worth it.
Sign up for one of my complimentary Loving Life Sessions – reach out do something. The first step is often the hardest yet i is always the beginning.
I have a pretty big issue about love, growing up i never remember to be hugged by my mom, but as asian i know her love isn’t physical, and i tried to understand it. When I’m old enough to start a relationship my father fled with another woman leaving my mom as bitter person and my siblings and me hurt. I used to feel unloved, but then i know that, as you said,love come from within. Still unsuccessful with love life, to be honest i think I’m not that pretty and i still didn’t deserve to be loved by others. I do mirror method everyday, but at some rainy day i do feel depressed and unloved. I usually cried to sleep to feel better at those days. I often think about “i should end this useless life” but don’t have balls to do so.
Treating yourself with love, like you are your own beloved makes such a huge difference in life. I used to be depressed and suicidal but once I made the choice to love myself, really love myself my life just got better and better.
You deserve to feel that love Monica.