I have been getting a lot of email lately with questions about feeling unloved or unlovable. Several people actually asked if I believed there were people that were unlovable. (The answer to that question at the end of this post)
I don’t think there is anything worse than feeling unloved. When I think of feeling unloved I think of feeling alone, hopeless and pretty miserable. I remember what that used to be like and am so glad feeling unloved is no longer part of my life.
I spent most of my younger years severally depressed. My last suicide attempt (25+ years ago) landed me in intensive care. I died five times. When I got out of the hospital and looked at my chest full of needle marks from where they injected chemicals to restart my heart I knew it was time for some serious changes.
The biggest disease this day and age is that of people feeling unloved.
– Princess Diana
So how do you go from unloved to loved?
In a recent blog post 3 Little Things That can Transform Your Life I suggested three actions you can take that literally saved my life.
It took me quite a while to realize that feeling loved is strictly an inside job. For years I thought if I found the right lover or had more friends or more money or the list went on and on then I would be happy and feel loved. Actually feeling loved is a decision only we can make for ourselves.
I fought that idea valiantly. I was sure love was something that came from out there. I fought the good fight and lost so you can give it up. LOVE IS AN INSIDE JOB, PERIOD, END OF STORY.
Once you decide to love yourself a river of love opens up and suddenly (granted it takes time) you realize you are surrounded by love and swim in a sea of unconditional love.
We are all born with the seed of love securely anchored within our spirit. We are love. We may forget, act in a deplorable fashion, hurt ourselves and others but the universe is composed of pure, unconditional love, the energy of creation. Once we release our limiting beliefs and realign with who and what we really are the love reemerges.
Seven simple steps if you want to feel loved
Be gentle with yourself as you learn to love yourself. It took years to learn to NOT love yourself so letting the love in takes time.
- Decide learning to love yourself is worth the effort and it will take effort if you don’t currently love yourself.
- This may sound silly but DECIDE to love yourself. Decide to do whatever it takes to feel loved.
- Embrace the 3 Little Things and do them daily
- Know you are loved, you are lovable and you swim in a sea of love.
- Practice, practice, practice. When you feel unloved remind yourself, “I love myself.”
- Be kind, loving, compassionate and nurturing to yourself. Become your own best friend.
- Choose love above all else. Share your love with others and learn to forgive yourself and others.
I’d love to see your thoughts about how you learned to love yourself, struggles you may be having or read any questions you might have.
PS. The answer to the question: Are there people that are unlovable? To that I answer a resounding NO, absolutely NOT. People can take actions that are unlovable even feel unlovable but that is because they haven’t learned how to love themselves yet. It is a skill anyone can learn.
PPS. If you would like you can sign up for a short chat over either Skype or by phone. The call is free and I love helping people go from feeling unloved to knowing they are loved, they are lovable and that the world is a loving and supportive place.