Only the love is real
I am in the process of writing my next book. When I was talking to my agent she asked me to explain what I meant when I said only the love was real.
In the previous paragraph I had explained how all of our emotions were created by the story we tell ourselves. So, if all of our emotions are manufactured by our mind telling us a story, based on its assumptions about life, why is the love real?
What a great question. Why is the love real? Well the way I view life there are two varieties or definitions of love. There is fear based love (not real, just fear disguised as love) and love based love (very real, it is an expansive energy very closely related to the energy of creation).
Fear based love
Fear based love is why it is so easy to feel unlovable. Fear based love is very conditional. Many relationships are based on fear based love. I will love you as long as you treat me in a certain way.
The moment you break one of the fear based love rules you are no longer lovable. Fear based love isn’t really love at all. It is a trade agreement where the rules aren’t very clear.
If there are conditions on love it isn’t really love at all. Love expands, fear contracts.
Love based love
Love based love is unconditional. Practicing unconditional love is wonderful spiritual practice and it does take practice.
We are so accustomed to judging that opening our hearts and our minds to love based love is often a totally new and often unexplored territory for our habitual way of thinking about life.
Once we allow that expansion to occur life is never the same, it is amazing how freeing that shift is.
So how far down the rabbit hole are you willing to go?
Are you willing to let love be your guide? Once I realized how different life could be I started asking myself these questions:
How can I see this through the eyes of love?
What would love do?
Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?
The more I used those questions the easier it became to spot fear based love and let it go.
There are still times I want to be right. Moments when I want to get on my high horse (as my mom called it) and righteously ride into misery but they are further apart and are short lived.
Love, love, love
Are you ready for a new way of looking at life? Are you ready to retrain your mind and learn how to be really happy and immersed in love, light and laughter?
How do you think your life would be different if you let go of fear based love and filled it with love based love instead? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below!
With love based love,
Susan
Hi,
Love based love or love generated love is a wonderful ground to living from. Life would and is different because with love I’m safe, connected and can surrender to the mystery. It supports biology then psycology, perception, stories and living. I look forward to this amazing and life provoking and evoking book.
Thanks for your lived inquiry and your continuous sharing of what you discover in your journey and the collective journey of being human.
Best,
T-love
Thanks T-love. I am excited about the new book too. Love based love does make surrendering to our true selves easier and embracing and enjoying what you call the great mystery (I like that desciptioon0
with love based love and some fear still lurking.
SUSAN
If I let go of fear based love, I would have a much different life. I am slowly learning to love myself first so that I can learn to love others with love, not fear based love. We put on fronts and place mountains in front of love because of fear of someone disliking what we say or disliking things we do. Last year was a testament to my learning to love with love. In May, my mother was diagnosed with kidney cancer. In June we came up to help her through her last weeks on earth as she was and always had been my best friend. She said she wanted to “go out with a bang”…and the morning of July 4th, the nursing home called and I went to see her. Definitely hearing the death rattle. She died a couple of hours later with my father, my sister and I at her side. No tears came to me because I know she was finally out of pain. My father and she had been married over 70 years which is phenomenal. That is when I learned the lesson on love based on love. Their love was unconditional, as I want my love to be. We are still here, 1500 miles from our normal home and our kids, helping with my Dad who has dementia. He forgets that mom passed away. I see some of my family members not helping with my Dad because they thought he was too strict raising us. They are a perfect example of fear based love. I love my father unconditionally and I am learning to love the rest of my family with love rather than fear based love because love based love is what we all need to work on.
Thanks Marilyn,
Love based love is an amazing healing balm in our lives. What a gift to be there when your mom changed address. My dad lived with me the last 9 months of his life and it was an amazing gift. He had Alzheimers and I got to hold his hand as he passed from this world. All the judgment and pain was gone and all that was left was the love.
Thanks so much for sharing,
Susan
Seeing your question I’m finding myself looking into the experiences I have had of love that ‘s been real, and differentiate fear based love that puts all the false evidence appearing real upfront. I would say that the main difference of what makes real love real is the sense that it has always been in my heart or heart’s shadows, it never goes away and always sees us through lives. It’s impersonal, it never lies as it speaks clearly in the center column of the body, it’s inexplicable as such power, it’s very close to what is socially accepted as sacred, it is increased dynamically by sharing from a pure heart’s intent to experience love with as much alignment as available at THIS moment. And it’s at best all we could REALLY ask for as we’re humanly alive, unless we like the unreal worlds better. It’s experiential, so I love to play with finding more than a glimpse of it, or not. I trust love based love is close to my frequency of existence, expressed or not.
Thanks Anna,
It is indeed something awesome to play and experiment with, as with any spiritual practice it takes practice. The more we live from the purity of a loving haert the more amazing our world becomes.’
With love,
Susan
Hi Susan,
This is so important and I thank you for your work, because any clues for how to get out of reaction and our emotional stories and stay in a place of love is so helpful, but so difficult, when the emotion is very physical. I have been observing recently how emotions or just other’s behaviour can cause a physical reaction in my body, even if I don’t respond to them, and I have in the past interpreted that physical response as a warning signal of my feelings (because part of the problem can be being out of touch with my feelings), so I feel there are so many levels to work through, before our hearts are clear. Although I do try to respond from a place of love not fear, not be ‘right’ or on my high horse, I have to admit, I do better in that when not in relationship than when I am. I could ‘kid’ myself that I was very ‘together’ when not having to deal with another human every day, who might not be behaving in ways which I desire, or which might upset me. This is of course fear based, and controlling, but also has to have a level of self protection (for those of us who are co-dependent and too ‘fear based lovers’) . As I get stronger I realize that your phrase ‘The moment you break one of the fear based love rules you are no longer lovable’ is so important. I think it’s the separation of behaviour from the essence of that person, you may not like their behaviour, but it does not change your love for that person. I feel we love our children like that (hopefully) and can more clearly make the distinction there, it’s unconditional love. I feel I’m rambling on, but your post came at a good time for me, where I ‘m trying in relationship to really be able to distinguish the two , love and fear based love, and it can be very subtle, and to try and stay myself in a loving place when I am having all sorts of disapproval thrown at me, and not responding in a way to win love back, but also to still be loving. And then to try and name what is going on (passive agressive/disapproval) and look at it as just a response to old emotional conditioning. It’s a tough road, but a great adventure, and I thank you from my depth that you are there to hold my hand along this road.
Namaste
Magdalena
Thanks Magdalena for taking the time to “ramble” I am glad you felt safe enough to do so.
The more we learn to love ourselves from that love based place the more magical and easier life becomes. I find relationships are fertile ground for personal growth. Practicing love based love becomes much more challenging and rewarding.
Love based love is ike any other muscle the more we use it the stringer it becomes.
I am glad we are holding hands too as we skip along this path to deeper and deeper love and joy.
Smiling and joyously skipping,
Susan
PonoOhm 🙂
Thank you Susan for re-minding!
Sending lots of love in light xxx
Love the PonoOhm …. and thanks for the love and light
Hi Susan, Well I’ve been through some difficult times lately. As before there are well intentioned family and friends listening and giving advice. This time with a whole lot of help from years of reading, listening and reflecting on your teachings, I looked, really looked through the eyes of love. So much of the advice came from ‘their own story’ which they reflected into ‘my story’. Things became more and more negative both emotionally and spiritually until one day, I thought NO I WANT A DIFFERENT STORY! I told myself the story that I wanted and things started to CHANGE! I left on the floor, my story of betrayal and negativity and looked at the bigger picture with LOVE. The energy shifted, the tears ceased and I ALLOWED FOR THE POSSIBILITY! It worked for me and my story/situation has changed and is much more positive. Some friends and family have been inspired by this and other’s cling to their version of the truth. What is really important is my truth and my choices which are mine alone. YES you can just sit up one day and change your story in alignment with spirit and miracles do happen. It can be so easy and effortless. Susan, thank you for your years of inspiration. Gillian x
You go for the story you want and make it so. You soooooooo deserve it.
With love and joy, Susan
You know Susan, it really is empowering and there is no going back once you’ve stepped down the rabbit hole! Love and hugs, Gillian
Yup, once you know you can’t not know. One of my students told me I should put a disclaimer on the bottom of my class advertising stating that if you come you can never go back.
With a big smile,
Susan