light and handsI recently got an email from a reader:

I have a question relating to the apology reflection you sent out:  “When someone has hurt you in the past, I’m struggling with understanding the idea of telling them I’m sorry, you were right and I was wrong when they clearly were in the wrong.”

What a rich question! I felt the best way to answer was with a blog post since I am sure there is more than one person with that question.

First: the right and wrong thing

Our minds find peace, comfort and solace in the idea of right and wrong. It is a way to make sense of the world and that paradigm severely limit us in the process.

Love expands, fear contracts. Seeing the world through the eyes of love allows us to make very different choices and see an all together different world.

Fear based love is all about this is right and that is wrong, I will love you as long as you do this but if you do that I will no longer love you, I may even judge you harshly and hate you.

From a place of true love the love remains constant. Of course there may be some behaviors that you wish to have in your life or your relationships. You can state that clearly and negotiate with others.

There is no longer right and wrong, there is just what is and you get to choose what you allow into your life and what you don’t.

The concept of right and wrong separates us from ourselves and in the process our inner knowing. In hindsight we generally know when someone wasn’t trustworthy.

I could go on an on about how limiting right and wrong is but . . .

Forgiveness is just judgment

In order to forgive someone we have to judge them in the first place. Forgiveness is often part of the process of freeing ourselves but if we stop there we severally short change ourselves. We are still disconnected from our source, from that pure energy of love and creation because we are still judging.

When instead we say: “I am sorry, you were right and I was wrong” YOU are free.

In essence what you are saying is I am sorry I expected you to act differently. You were being you, I expected you to act based on my beliefs, agreements and assumptions and for that I was wrong.

As you begin to do that you can make more loving choices for yourself. You can invite people into your life that have the same values, wants and needs.

You are free and can surrender to the love and peace of your spirit. You will live in a safe world, filled with love, light, laughter and joy.

This is a very rich topic and I imagine I may write many more blog posts on it, who knows I may even write a book.

As always I welcome your questions, thoughts and feelings in the comment section below.

The short answer to “when someone hurts you” is:

Love yourself enough to let go and sink into the love. The love you are always surrounded with, the love that is YOU. just love and let go.

With love and aloha,